Dark Fire: A handy guide on who to blame in the event of a wipe.

A handy guide on who to blame in the event of a wipe.
A handy guide on who to blame in the event of a wipe.
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I found this on the forums, I have to say I was laughing the whole time I was reading it.

"A handy guide on who to blame in the event of a wipe.

We've all been there; a hard-fought slog through an avalanche of trash mobs, umpteen bio breaks and disconnects, a hurried trade of potions because "I forgot" and then - disaster - multiple wipes at the boss.

Edit: The important thing at this point is not to discuss what went wrong, but to identify who is to blame.

Here's your handy cut-out and keep guide on who to blame when the inevitable wipe happens.

If you're a minstrel remember the first rule of the minstrels' union - it's NEVER our fault. It's the fault of the hunter, champion, hunter, guardian, hunter, warden, loremaster and captain in that order. Unless there's a RK in which case he's at fault always. *lorebreakers* - *hiss*

If you're a guardian, always always blame the dps for getting aggro, especially if secretly you know that you didn't do enough to keep the aggro in the first place. A good secondary move is to either blame the minstrel for not healing "enough" or say that "it's the off-tank's fault for not protecting the squishies". This will give you valuable time as everyone else wonders who the off-tank was.

If you're a warden, same as the guardian with the extra complaint that "you guys never allowed me to build up my aggro". Maintain this position even if the whole raid was on afk and you tagged the boss accidently.

If you're a captain, blame the hunter first, obviously. If running in secondary healer mode speculate on the lack of dps in the group. If in other modes point out the lack of heals. Ensure that you leave the impression that if only you'd been specced right the group would have been saved.

If you're a loremaster, blame the hunter first, then the tank. Blow a fuse about the amount of times you were asked for "moar pwr" and tell the group that if you weren't so busy draining the boss' power you could have done all sorts of stuff to debuff him. Remain vague about what that stuff would have been.

If you're a runekeeper, blame the hunter first. You also have a choice. If you were DPSing tell the minstrel that you would have done a better job of healing the group and that minstrel healing sucks. It is essential that you get this point across. If you were healing, decry your inability to heal spike damage unlike the overpowered minstrels. You may strike lucky and be asked to heal in a group with a DPS minstrel. In this case, relax my friend, you will never have to take the blame....

If you're a champion always blame the tank first - clearly he should have maintained aggro whatever you were doing, even if you tagged the boss first with a couple of shing shings! Remind the guardian how rubbish his dps is in comparison and laugh pityingly at the warden. If you're playing the tank role, blame the dps for not allowing you to get the aggro and the minstrel for wasting heals on everybody else.

If you're the hunter, duck! You're going to be number one suspect. You have three options:

1) Complain that the tank didnt keep aggro and you always open up with heartseeker, what's the problem. And hell, bringing those extra mobs to the party speeds things up usually. Ask the warden why there was a problem when normally "you guys love being surrounded by 'em".

2) Argue that you couldn't do enough DPS because you kept getting aggro from the rubbish tank and had to dial back your awesomeness. Quote a few choice gems from the combat log and then sigh and say "but then I got the mobs on me so I had to stop whilst I ran away from the tank".

3) Pluck the strings of your bow nonchalantly and say "hunter sees mob, hunter fills mob with arrows". Smile winningly.

Remember, being kicked from a group when you're a hunter is merely a sign of how awesome you are and how threatened by your terrificness the rest of the group was.

If you're the burglar, relax. It's never the fault of the burglar because no-one knows what they do. Just keep your mouth shut until the arguments finish and then set an incomprehensible 6 different colour fellowship manoevre to keep everyone on their toes. Remember also - if someone says "what sort of fellowship manoeuvre is that?" say "they're conjunctions". Equally, if someone says "what sort of conjunction is that?" say "they're fellowship manoevres". Make it clear that you are an inch away from adding "noob" to that phrase.

I hope this helps everyone. I trust this will enable groups of all levels and experience recover from the set-back of a wipe through tolerance and understanding of the role that each member of the team has to play in the group.

Happy questing in Middle Earth."

- Shireborn
I LOVE this! How true! Had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes
I think the burglar part is the best lol. Nobody DOES know what they do.
I kept blaming Magnus the other day on this guard, but he doesn't read raid chat

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